Thursday, April 9, 2009

Vermont Passes Same Sex Marriage

Earlier this week, Vermont passed a bill legalizing same sex marriages occurring in the state. While this is being touted as a victory for human rights, I can't help but wonder if we're fighting the wrong fight.

The Kingston Daily Freeman held a poll on on whether same sex marriages should be permitted, and a majority indicated that they approved. But the question was posed as a simple "yes" or "no." Is it really a yes or no question? I think the issue is far more complex than one that can be summed up in a single-word answer.

We need to have a broader conversation about government sanctioned relationships, the creation of inequity and privilege based on relationship status and generally interfering with the personal lives of citizens.

The idea that we complacently allow the government to attribute worth and incentives to something as intangible and sacred as love is a strange concept. For many, marriage is a sacrament. For some, it is a means to an end. Why the government should be involved is still unclear to me.

If marriage existed solely as a religious sacrament, available as an option to those who choose it, I really wouldn't have any problem. I certainly wouldn't choose it, but it would be available to those who wish to recognize their relationship in that way. Marriage as a social concept would exist without any legal attributes. When we insist on validating a relationship and, subsequently, invalidating other types of relationships, we inherently create inequity and this is why the fight for gay marriage isn't one that should be championed under the banner of "equality."

We can't end discrimination by expanding a practice that is inherently discriminatory. Of course homosexual people should have the same rights as heterosexual people. But shouldn't single people, regardless of their sexual orientation, also be eligible for those same rights? What is it about being "coupled" that establishes an entitlement to rights that are denied to others in our society?

Our government has no business valuing some people over others and our legal recognition of marriage does exactly that. I'm happy that same sex couples are making huge strides, but it is still being done on the backs of others. What is the point in fighting for rights when those rights are won on the backs of others? We only continue to undervalue certain groups when we expand an inequitable practice. Marriage is, by its nature, exclusive and while we may increase the inclusiveness it will never be a fair and just institution.

It is far bigger than an issue of just health care or taxes or the ability to make medical decisions. Adding in the social benefits of being "coupled," we are creating an incredibly unfair and discriminatory system based solely on whether someone is in a relationship or not. As long as we elevate the status of some individuals over others, we will never have true equality. Our actions further oppress others and, at some point, we need to reevaluate the system.

Government has no responsibility for policing morality. Society does this without any governmental interference, and we need to make changes there, too. We need to question the interest of government in relationships and start pushing back.

How can we fix the system so that it conveys the rights created by legal marriage to
  • Single people?
  • Divorced people?
  • People in short term relationships?
  • People in long term, committed relationships who choose to remain unmarried?
  • People in non-traditional relationships, such as polyamory?
The answer is simple -- you can't, and we should probably stop trying.

It's an issue I struggle with every day, as someone who has recently become engaged. I certainly feel like a hypocrite, but also recognize the spiritual, legal and social reasons that make this is important to my partner. It doesn't change the fact that I don't share the same spiritual considerations and wish the legal and social incentives were wholly non-existent. I'm perfectly happy as a single person and don't need the government, a religion, or anyone else to validate my love. I don't want to benefit from my relationship, and don't need to be rewarded or congratulated; I haven't done anything warranting it. The happiness I've found in our relationship is benefit enough and I don't need any reinforcement from society or our nosy government.

29 comments:

  1. Longtime reader, first time commenter ;)

    Although I'm not a huge supporter of the government's reasoning, there is something to the government having an interest in encouraging certain types of relationships. By encouraging couples (and indirectly families) the government supports and encourages a specific type of social network. Our government has implicit goals like the health and growth of its population. These are valid and rational goals.

    I'm not saying that goals are perfect, and I'm definitely not suggesting that our government's methods are effective. But our government has purpose behind the additional rights and benefits of marriage.

    Side note: because of DOMA, Vermont same-sex married couples will not be benefiting from the tax benefits of marriage. Marriage is explicitly defined as a legal relationship between a man and a woman in the U.S. Internal Revenue Code.

    To back up the government selective encouragement: New theories are emerging suggesting that monogamy may have been instrumental in human evolution. Sure there are lots of theories pointing to polygamy as the natural way to go. But modern evolutionary theory looks at intraspecies cooperation as factor in natural selection. Monogamy (or at least stable relationships) helps build that intraspecies cooperation and may have been instrumental in the development of society and culture.

    On a final note, you're arguments come dangerously close to the theories of Rousseau in his Discourse on the Theory of Inequality. In that work he hypothesized that true inequality can only exist in a community of individuals with no rights. Because once the individuals have any rights, inequalities in the ability to practice those rights emerge.

    -Scuba

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  2. I'm all for stable relationships. But I think we can both agree that many relationships are extremely unstable; it doesn't mean the walls of civilization come tumbling down. Marriage doesn't change unstable relationships into stable ones. It just complicates the entire situation.

    I'm also a big fan of personal choice and am in no position to pass judgment on the choices of others. This is where my biggest concern comes into play; if it isn't hurting anyone, what do I care? The legal benefits of marriage, though, do hurt many in our society and we need to start addressing that.

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  3. Excellent post, Brittany. Marriage as a stabilizing factor is a misnomer. If the government has an interest in encouraging certain types of relationships, then maybe they could try progressively rewarding people who stay together longer or maintain their status longer... it's time to think outside the box. Marriage is an outmoded institution.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Judge Judy said if ya break up da engagement ya gotta give da ring back!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Brittany: This is a great post even though it left me a bit puzzled about your personal choice - somehow that seems to contradict what you said... I guess that's why you're struggling with that ;-).

    I completely agree, though, that we can't fix the current system but we need a new & better one.

    Anonymous: Could please give some cites on the evolutionary link to monogamy? Intraspecies cooperation seems to require more than two people. That's why people used to live in clans... Also, the governmental goal of a healthy population admirable but there is no evidence that marriage is the best way to reach that goal. (I don't think population growth is an admirable goal anymore given that there are already too many people on this planet). This points to a crux with many of the rights & privileges that come with marriage: The underlying goal might be worthwhile but marriage is the completely wrong way of reaching that goal (Nancy Polikoff makes this point in her book; the Law Commission of Canada makes that point in "Beyond Conjugality.")

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